Enabling vision-language models (VLMs) to control humanoid robots requires both reliable whole-body interfaces and knowledge of how to use the body that carries over across tasks. We present HITCH (Harness Interfaces To Command Humanoids), a harness in which perception returns the 3D position of any point the VLM selects in its image, and execution turns commands for the pelvis, torso, hands, walking, and gaze into whole-body motion with a learned tracker. We find that both measuring the scene and executing commands accurately raise task success. We then fine-tune a VLM on trajectories in which teacher policies solve five base tasks through HITCH, so that it learns how to operate the humanoid. Without task-specific trajectories, the fine-tuned model completes 51% of SIMPLE episodes and 42.5% of HumanoidArena episodes, and adding five trajectories per SIMPLE task raises its SIMPLE success to 95%. On a real G1, it carries a box and walks to a goal without real training data.